Monday, January 5, 2009

"I can die now"

Though i do not want to post too exhaustingly on this blog, i just wanted to share a quiet yet overwhelming feeling im experienceing this evening. Like im playing poker (which i can) and i know i have been dealt undeniably good cards, and i almost want to warn the other players to fold now, cause i got the unbeatable hand.
Of course, poker isnt the best analogy since poker is a game of chance.
Another example, i remember seeing steve erwins wive (crikey australian croc hunter stevo) in an interview after his death, saying how after every new experience with new animal adventures, he would come back saying, "i can die now" meaning, he was so content with what he was able to experience and learn, he'd be ready just to end it on that high note. (yet of course, he would try to top it the next day)
I feel constantly convicted of living life according to God's principles written in scripture, sometimes to the point of annoyance, and i feel like im onto something. This burden is a blessing and it's becoming like an addiction to me. The fantastic and scrutinized task of bearing the name of Christ, and my conviction to figure out why I have taken up and continue to stand for the gospel, through studying scripture, through developing logistical debates, researching apologetics, withstanding criticism and rebuke... Wow, what a winning hand i have!
Though in my personal life I take a more studying/thinking/debating approach to grow in my faith (as apposed to searching for experience) and i question and stretch and throw out and doubt and change my opinions and thoughts about my understanding of God and everything related, I nonetheless am constantly fueled by the underlying understanding in my heart that I am loved so deeply by a being who chose to sacrifice what He had for me, that at my lowest feeling of worthlessness, I am worth a life...in a moment like this,..."i can die now"

Friday, January 2, 2009

a step towards commitment

I am almost finished filling out my School of Biblical Studies application. The directors of the base im applying to, turner valley, were out in niverville over christmas, and seeing them and hearing andre preach was encouraging enough to push me to get 'er done, and in writing, commit to doing an SBS in 2009. I suppose it can be considered a new years resolution of mine, along with visiting my dutch friend mel in august in holland.
In any case, im glad to be aiming towards something that i know will benefit me.