go, do. reconcile part 1

To my seemingly best ability, i am trying to live by a godly standard. (Standard DOESN'T have to imply negativity or obligation) A new way that i have been trying this out is meeting new people, OR, better yet, meeting the people i kind of interact with, yet do not know well enough to feel obligated to converse with. Example: Almost anyone in any service industry- yes they are my server and they have to be nice to me while they make my coffee, but they are needing real interaction as i do. Example: My back yard neighbor. Me and my friend sara decided it would be a great idea to sleep outside last weekend, no tent, just blankets and mosquito spray. Ironically, my backyard neighbor decided to have a bonfire with some friends. Sara and i were too lazy to make our own fire that night, but i did go and buy smore stuff in case a fire occurred, so, after psyching myself up for 15 minutes, i walked over there with my bag of smore stuff and just gave it to them, and they were very grateful, and we ended up joining them for an hour. But in order for me to go over there, i LITERALLY had to ask sara, "okay, whats the worst case senario if i go over there to give them this food?" Why? Why whould i be so hesitant to do something nice? Why do i sometimes avoid eye contact with random people i recognise from high school?
I'm going through a phase where i would rather go and do than sit and wait for people to interact with me. I'm thinking that this may be spurred on from the fact that for the last 2 months, i feel like i keep running into very random people from high school in very random places. I think it's also from my observation of the people Christ was focussing his attention on while he was on earth. Of course we READ he was with lost sinners; tax collectors, the poor, lowly citizens, but, at least for me, i get this Monty Python and the Holy Grail-ish/Life of Brian imagery of dirty people with the creepy cackle when i think of the crowd he preached to. I have only recently thunk (i know) to modernize this imagery.
I have come to recognise that, if i'm aloud to pick out a "people group" that i care for and hope "bring to the understanding of Christ" (ugh, cliche) it would be the ones who have been "churched" their whole lives and yet feel like there are too many unanswered questions for "christianity" to be worth betting a soul on: The people who are extremly interested in talking about religion and life, yet, are 1) too old for youth group or drop in centres 2) too uncommited to christianity to join a "college and career/young adults" church group thing, or 3) too frustrated or stubborn with the idea of going to church as a whole. Of course, some people (myself included) use these 3 situations as an excuse not to try any venues. I didn't have any desire to go to church for 5 years, under of the "too stubborn and disagree with church" excuse, until a co-worker at the time/christian challenged me by saying that my protest towards "the dumb way church is" by simply not going was accomplishing nothing, that if i saw a need for change, i should stop my complaining and start going to a church so i can start implementing change.
Well, duh. Shut up and do something about it if it bothers you so much.

Title

Hello world. I have officially moved out of doug and kathie mays basement, where i had lived for the last 15 months. (which happens to be the longest i have stayed in one place since high school)
Though i love Niverville, i decided to move home to my mothers in Steinbach a little bit early, just so i can settle in my boxes of stuff and things before i take off to the wild wild west. Plus, i missed my Steinbach house, and mom...hopefully we will get used to living together again quickly.
So, for the next 7 weeks, my life will primarily consist of working, still at the daycare, but i will now be carpooling with someone, shuffling and cleaning my room, drinking coffee at Lekoka so i can use the Internet, and hanging out with my few steinbach friends I've collected over the years. Sounds pretty relaxed.
I have recently found out that i fellow Nivervillian will be at turner valley with me in fall, Ms. Steph Armbruster. She has signed on to staff, So that should be an interesting adventure in itself. It will be nice to have someone who knows who I'm talking about when I'm reminiscing about home.
I am hoping to plan a farewell fundraiser in september before I go to alberta, so, look out! I'm hoping it will pull together nicely, but i still have some time. I'll just leave it at that for now.

Acceptification

SBS shall commence Sept 14, 2009, and i shall be there as a student. Turner valley alberta, here i come. I am glad and nervous, satisfied that this decision has been officially made.
over and out.

Communimication

I have exchanged some electronically delivered words with the co director of SBS in the last week, i should know if i am accepted in a few days i think. hoo haa.

"I can die now"

Though i do not want to post too exhaustingly on this blog, i just wanted to share a quiet yet overwhelming feeling im experienceing this evening. Like im playing poker (which i can) and i know i have been dealt undeniably good cards, and i almost want to warn the other players to fold now, cause i got the unbeatable hand.
Of course, poker isnt the best analogy since poker is a game of chance.
Another example, i remember seeing steve erwins wive (crikey australian croc hunter stevo) in an interview after his death, saying how after every new experience with new animal adventures, he would come back saying, "i can die now" meaning, he was so content with what he was able to experience and learn, he'd be ready just to end it on that high note. (yet of course, he would try to top it the next day)
I feel constantly convicted of living life according to God's principles written in scripture, sometimes to the point of annoyance, and i feel like im onto something. This burden is a blessing and it's becoming like an addiction to me. The fantastic and scrutinized task of bearing the name of Christ, and my conviction to figure out why I have taken up and continue to stand for the gospel, through studying scripture, through developing logistical debates, researching apologetics, withstanding criticism and rebuke... Wow, what a winning hand i have!
Though in my personal life I take a more studying/thinking/debating approach to grow in my faith (as apposed to searching for experience) and i question and stretch and throw out and doubt and change my opinions and thoughts about my understanding of God and everything related, I nonetheless am constantly fueled by the underlying understanding in my heart that I am loved so deeply by a being who chose to sacrifice what He had for me, that at my lowest feeling of worthlessness, I am worth a life...in a moment like this,..."i can die now"

a step towards commitment

I am almost finished filling out my School of Biblical Studies application. The directors of the base im applying to, turner valley, were out in niverville over christmas, and seeing them and hearing andre preach was encouraging enough to push me to get 'er done, and in writing, commit to doing an SBS in 2009. I suppose it can be considered a new years resolution of mine, along with visiting my dutch friend mel in august in holland.
In any case, im glad to be aiming towards something that i know will benefit me.

A toast to 10 years

To be straightforward, my dad died 10 years ago from a sudden flu related something ruther. Today marks the anniversary. Its also my grandpas birthday.
I took off work, which i thought was appropriate, and hung out with family.
I have alot of thoughts about today.
But, ill just share one.

Please take advantage of the time you have with your parents. We can get caught up in the daily grind, the ins and outs, annoyances, frustrations, and a variety of other things that can take place in a parent child relationship, but, take a moment and appreciate those hard and annoying times, cause you won't have them forever. I reckon we live in a time where we are skeptical of receiving compliments, and more hesitant to give them.

Forget that for a moment and take a step towards loving your parents more.
thanks