Though i do not want to post too exhaustingly on this blog, i just wanted to share a quiet yet overwhelming feeling im experienceing this evening. Like im playing poker (which i can) and i know i have been dealt undeniably good cards, and i almost want to warn the other players to fold now, cause i got the unbeatable hand.
Of course, poker isnt the best analogy since poker is a game of chance.
Another example, i remember seeing steve erwins wive (crikey australian croc hunter stevo) in an interview after his death, saying how after every new experience with new animal adventures, he would come back saying, "i can die now" meaning, he was so content with what he was able to experience and learn, he'd be ready just to end it on that high note. (yet of course, he would try to top it the next day)
I feel constantly convicted of living life according to God's principles written in scripture, sometimes to the point of annoyance, and i feel like im onto something. This burden is a blessing and it's becoming like an addiction to me. The fantastic and scrutinized task of bearing the name of Christ, and my conviction to figure out why I have taken up and continue to stand for the gospel, through studying scripture, through developing logistical debates, researching apologetics, withstanding criticism and rebuke... Wow, what a winning hand i have!
Though in my personal life I take a more studying/thinking/debating approach to grow in my faith (as apposed to searching for experience) and i question and stretch and throw out and doubt and change my opinions and thoughts about my understanding of God and everything related, I nonetheless am constantly fueled by the underlying understanding in my heart that I am loved so deeply by a being who chose to sacrifice what He had for me, that at my lowest feeling of worthlessness, I am worth a life...in a moment like this,..."i can die now"
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3 comments:
this is a good depiction of the eternal wrestle. apostle paul would be proud.
my word verification was "bless" so i bless you in return.
wow nicole, beautifully written and to be honest, reaally encouraging.
Also I need a picture of you face (i've been telling the other girls but i can't seem to find you on facebook or figure out your email address). No pressure but if you think of it could you send me a head shot, face directly toward the camera, eyes looking down but chin up. If it helps you could think of the word "gentle" while you take it. O it's for a project. (don't worry about the quality of the photo, i am just going to use it as a reference to draw from.
So if you want to be a part of the project, send me a pic a k41a@hotmail.com
Love you miss you!!
nicole s??? is this you?? crazy! i just found your blog on jordan's blog. oh my goodness. how are you???
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